Stars
by LordGranthamfan23
Summary: Robert and Cora can finally unite in their grief over the loss of their youngest daughter.


This is my first venture into the Downton waters, please let me know what you think!

**Disclaimer**: Don't own any of the characters.

**Stars**

_...Tick Tock….Tick Tock….Tick Tock…._

She couldn't sleep. It seemed she could never sleep these days. The clock on the mantelpiece taunted her with its rhythmic ticking, upsetting an otherwise silent night. Horrific images ran through her mind, scenes she knew she would never forget. They haunted her, as if she was watching a motion picture on repeat. Every night she battled the same demons and every night she lost, laying awake for hour upon hour, until the birds woke up and welcomed in a new day. And every night she would reach the point when her mind simply couldn't function anymore and sleep finally took over. Those few hours before O'Brien came in and woke her were the only times when she could escape from the horror of witnessing the death of her youngest child. She had hit rock bottom and she didn't know how much longer she could handle it down there.

Cora turned onto her side to watch her husband of over thirty years. He slept facing her, breathing deeply, his hair adorably ruffled. She reached a hand up from beneath the duvet and smoothed his curls down. It was his first night back in their bedroom and, if truth be told, she was glad to have him back. She had missed his comforting presence, the tender kisses he would shower her with before turning off the lamp, the light snoring he occasionally succumbed to when lying in a certain way on his back. The rational side of her knew all along that what had happened to Sybil was never really his fault, but she needed to blame someone and it was just so easy to be angry with him. She watched him as he slumbered on, unaware of her inner turmoil. How could he sleep so peacefully? Part of her wanted to shake him awake, to make him suffer along with her. But before she gave into that growing idea she dragged herself out of bed, wrapping herself in her dressing gown as she passed the chaise longue on her way to the window. Pulling apart the curtains she gazed out at the night sky. It was the first clear night after a week of non-stop rain. The night sky was full of stars, twinkling down at her, teasing her for her inability to sleep. She noticed a particularly bright star above the horizon. It outshone all those around it. Perhaps if she had listened more attentively to her cousin as a child she might have known its name, he loved that kind of thing, but that didn't matter to her right now. What mattered was that her daughter, her baby, had left this world and wasn't coming back. She was up there with the stars now and Cora would never again be able to speak to her, to embrace her, to tell her she loved her. The tears that had been building up all night slowly began to fall. Silently. She didn't want to wake Robert. She didn't want him to see her like this. She had to be strong for her family, for him and the girls and the baby. And for Tom of course. They all needed her. And she was no good to anyone in this state. And yet she couldn't stop the tears. If only there had been something they could have done. If things had been different they all would be sleeping happily in their beds, Sybil among them. But life wasn't like that. After the excitement of Mary's wedding and Matthew saving the estate, things just couldn't last. Something bad had to happen to balance the books. She just never imagined it would come in the form of her youngest child's death.

As the tears continued to stream down her pale face, the star in the distance continued to shine down on her, slowly opening her eyes to reality. Sybil wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want them to stop their lives for her. Ever since she was a little girl she made the most of every day, doing that which made her happy, and wouldn't want any less for those who loved her. She needed Cora to look after Tom and her baby, to make sure that they would be ok without her.

Cora was so lost in thought that she did not hear her husband wake up and call out to her from the comfort of their bed. Nor did she hear him get up, the mattress groaning as he stood, and make his way over to her. Thus she was startled when his arms tentatively snaked their way around her waist. He didn't want to stand too close. Though she had allowed him back into their bed he didn't want to push his luck. 'I heard you sniffling. Oh, my dear,' he whispered into her hair, placing a tender kiss above her ear before resting his head there. The intimacy felt almost foreign to her and she hesitated briefly before covering his forearms with her hands.

They stood in silence. For how long neither knew. The star on the horizon slowly made its way higher into the sky, never once faltering in its sparkle. The more Cora looked up at the night sky the calmer she began to feel. As if she could slowly start to let go and move on, and the pain would begin to subside. It would never disappear, she knew that, and she wouldn't want it to. Because for the pain of losing her daughter to fade away it would mean that she no longer thought of her every day, and that was something that would never happen. But she would be able to handle it. Not tonight, not tomorrow, but one day. One day she would be able to think of Sybil with a smile on her face rather than a tear in her eye, and that thought soothed her. 'She's up there you know. Looking down on us. With a beautiful smile on her face.'

Behind her she heard Robert give a sniff and felt two fat tear drops land on her head. 'I'm so sorry,' he sobbed.

'It's not your fault.' And this time she really meant it.

Cora turned in his arms and pulled him close to her, laying his head on her shoulder and rubbing his back in soothing circles, allowing him to release the grief and hurt he had held back for so long while they were apart. 'We had a beautiful daughter my darling, and we will always cherish and love her. But she wouldn't want this for us. She would want us to be happy. We have to treasure every moment Robert. Who knows how long we have left in this cruel world. Sybil will always be with us, up there and in here.' She laid her palm on his chest, over his heart.

'I don't deserve you,' he muttered between hiccups.

'Yes you do. We were happy once and we can be happy again. You'll see,' she replied, stroking his wet cheek before kissing it and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly. 'It just takes time.'

Once they had both calmed down and the tears had dried up, for the time being at least, they made their way back to bed. Robert helped Cora get comfortable under the duvet, kissing her lovingly on the forehead, before climbing in himself on the other side and opening up his arms for her to crawl into his embrace. 'We should get some rest. Mama and Isobel are coming for lunch tomorrow and God knows what kind of drama they'll stir up,' Robert said into her hair.

Cora chuckled and leaned up to give him a kiss goodnight before settling herself more comfortably on his shoulder and closing her eyes, the light from the moon and stars shining down on them from the open curtain.

That night was the last time she woke up from the nightmares.

* * *

I'm trying to get myself back into the writing mojo, so any ideas for new stories would be very welcome!


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